Gospodi pomilui

I'm exhausted today.

I had a really nasty bout of sleep paralysis last night. If you don't know what SP is, basically it's when you wake up in terror, thinking that someone/something evil's in the room with you but you can't move or cry out or do anything and then you feel it slam onto your torso like it's crushing the air out of you and you still can't move and when you try to scream, nothing comes out.

Yeah, it's a fun little psychological/physical quirk. Not. It took me over two hours to calm down enough afterwards to fall back asleep. Which means I've had almost three hours of sleep.

I used to have SP more when I was younger--not incredibly unusual for adolescents with PTSD. It kind of trickled out after I started therapy back in my mid-20s. I had one bout of it not long after my dad died. And now it's back.

I'm not overly surprised. I'm self-aware enough at the moment to recognize where it's coming from. I've a lot of stress in my life right now from various different sources. :/ It just means I have to make certain I take care of myself at the moment with some me-time and other things I know help.

Also, I ordered $100 worth of non-fiction books from Amazon last night, despite the fact that I dropped $30 at Borders during lunch earlier yesterday. This is how I cope with stress. I buy books and pretend that they could possibly be for research purposes. I suppose it's a bit healthier than indulging in a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Although the Ben and Jerry's would be cheaper. And taste better.

I'm going to see Eastern Promises for the second time later today. It's part of my trying-to-be-good-to-myself scheme and if there was ever a movie that was hi, made for me? That's the one. I haven't yet squeed about it because I haven't had time, but I'm already writing Nikolai/Kirill. Because, hi, yeah. Allow me to let David Cronenberg, the director, say it for me:

Montreal Mirror: There’s a lot of homoeroticism in the film, which some critics are picking up on and others aren’t.

David Cronenberg: I can’t believe people can’t see it! The whole relationship between Nikolai [Mortensen] and Kirill [Cassel] is totally on that level. Kirill is totally in love with Nikolai, but can’t possibly admit it, because to do so is suicide in that gangster milieu. Nikolai knows it and uses it to his own manipulative ends. To me, that’s completely apparent. I’m shocked that people don’t see it. If they don’t, it’s probably because they don’t want to.

Nikolai/Kirill FTW.

Also, seriously, if you read [info]hp_dungeons, go see this movie. Because this is the Muggle version of my Dolohovs. *squishes them*

Right now what's getting me through the day is a playlist on my iPod filled with the Eastern Promises OST and liturgical music that I downloaded last night from the Church of St John the Forerunner (Chesmenskaya) in St Petersburg. I have now decided the Dolohovs attend there. Mainly because I like the choir. They're incredibly peaceful.

I'm a weird person.

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